TWO EYES IN THE MIRROR
My Friends...Two Eyes In The Mirror refers to what I could see of the Uber or Lyft drivers as they told me their relationship stories.
In case you don't already know, I'm writing a book about the most important challenge I ever faced, finding the right person to spend my life with. I know it's easier for some than others, but the day my closest friend called me a "predator", I questioned whether it was something I'd ever experience.
At the age of 44, I changed the way I dated. I established a list of the "essentials" I needed and wouldn't "date" anyone without these qualities. It didn't mean I had to be celibate, but I would no longer spend months or years trying to make a soulmate out of someone I was just really attracted to or possessed a couple of traits I needed. So this book tells my story and what I learned. I've shared this with my kids, a few friends and a patient who happened to be a professional writer and is now its editor. In fact, she was the force that pushed my fingers to the keyboard and brought the book to this point.
After a year of writing my story, I realized it wasn't enough. The lessons I could share were helpful, but limited. I needed a broader perspective, a wider range of people I didn't previously know.
The one hour Uber trip to work each day provided the perfect solution, but I had to start by spending the first 8 minutes telling them my story:
I'd been taking Uber's 5 days/week because I had a heart attack, and wanted to destress my life. That I was in the process of writing a book on relationships, although I had little formal training in that area. My experiences in love were from being mostly with women in the first half of my life and exclusively with men in the second half. That I was married to a woman for 10 years and a man for the last 5. After "dating" more than 50 people in the first 44 years of my life, I couldn't find someone to share my life with until I got serious and made a list of the "essentials" I'd need, and would no longer date someone who didn't have them.
Then I'd ask my driver, "If you wanted to find someone to spend your life with, what "essentials" would you need. Not the ones you'd like, but the ones it wouldn't work without."
I told them I wouldn't use their names in the book, but I'd share their experiences.
In case you don't already know, I'm writing a book about the most important challenge I ever faced, finding the right person to spend my life with. I know it's easier for some than others, but the day my closest friend called me a "predator", I questioned whether it was something I'd ever experience.
At the age of 44, I changed the way I dated. I established a list of the "essentials" I needed and wouldn't "date" anyone without these qualities. It didn't mean I had to be celibate, but I would no longer spend months or years trying to make a soulmate out of someone I was just really attracted to or possessed a couple of traits I needed. So this book tells my story and what I learned. I've shared this with my kids, a few friends and a patient who happened to be a professional writer and is now its editor. In fact, she was the force that pushed my fingers to the keyboard and brought the book to this point.
After a year of writing my story, I realized it wasn't enough. The lessons I could share were helpful, but limited. I needed a broader perspective, a wider range of people I didn't previously know.
The one hour Uber trip to work each day provided the perfect solution, but I had to start by spending the first 8 minutes telling them my story:
I'd been taking Uber's 5 days/week because I had a heart attack, and wanted to destress my life. That I was in the process of writing a book on relationships, although I had little formal training in that area. My experiences in love were from being mostly with women in the first half of my life and exclusively with men in the second half. That I was married to a woman for 10 years and a man for the last 5. After "dating" more than 50 people in the first 44 years of my life, I couldn't find someone to share my life with until I got serious and made a list of the "essentials" I'd need, and would no longer date someone who didn't have them.
Then I'd ask my driver, "If you wanted to find someone to spend your life with, what "essentials" would you need. Not the ones you'd like, but the ones it wouldn't work without."
I told them I wouldn't use their names in the book, but I'd share their experiences.
50 minutes later, when we arrived at my office, many of the drivers didn't want to end the conversation. They seemed to really need someone to share their inner thoughts and long held shames with and it probably helped that they'd never see me again. In fact, I wouldn't even recognize them if I did, since I only saw their Two Eyes In The Mirror.
I'd share my reflections with them before I'd leave, which I included at the end of each of their stories. They were usually very appreciative and I hoped it may have broadened their points of view.
But now I want your opinions. Do you agree with me? Did I miss something? Was I partially or completely wrong? Let me know.
There is no one expert in love nor finding a soulmate. Definitely not me. It's a collection of experiences. So please add yours. There is strength in a community of people who are or have done the same thing.
This blog contains 40 of their stories. If you want to target certain types of people, click the labels at the end of each story, such as male, female, single, married, etc. and those specific stories will come up. Otherwise you can just wander around.
Notice the comment section. Please share your impressions there.
Thanks,
Rick Morris
Nancy Lee Bryan, editor
PS. I may use your comments in the book. If you don't want me to use your name, let me know. Thank you.
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